Since my graduation from Bethel College until now, I have lived in an increasingly secular environment. During that time I obtained two degrees at a secular university in the United States. I then went on to live in the post-Christian United Kingdom. As a physicist, the majority of colleagues have long rejected the existence of God or the hope of Salvation. I have learned to adapt to the culture. To relish the thoughts and friendships of those I work with and to navigate differences with love. I am very honest about who I am, including my flaws, struggles and shortcoming. Those who choose to live without God have met too many of His followers that hide their struggles. I also had to discern the fine line between living in the world and being not of the world.
Now I am back in Christian in little town in the Bible Belt. Everyone I meet is guarded. I can feel weight of secrets and the fear of judgement. I am no longer accustomed to this way of life and I no longer find it palatable. I do harsh on those who live around me. It is merely a survival method in a community for which there is little privacy. The cost of discovery would be too great. I too, am receding into myself. I am struggling to remember the the "rules" within Christian subculture. What clothes can wear? What words am I allowed to use? What songs can I listen to? What hobbies do I hide?
It does not have to be this way. We can hold each other accountable, but it has to be done in love and truth. It has to be done in relationship. I am coward and I do not think I encourage these changes without putting my comfort in jeopardy. Everything still feels so foreign.
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